Time is Ticking

The other day I went to take my mother to a doctor appointment.  After moving into assisted living after a stroke in August, she decided to be “independent” and try to walk a few blocks up the street to go to Target for Poise pads and popcorn, two things readily available for her at her facility.  Go figure, an 80-year old who still prefers to take the risk of venturing out to buy a few things that aren’t even necessary.  On that particular day, the weather forecast was for 60 mph winds and snow in the afternoon. She still went on her adventure.

At about 1:30 in the afternoon on that brisk Sunday, I received a call from her facility that some people had brought her walker and shopping bag to the front desk because she had fallen in the middle of the crosswalk and they called 911.  She was in the ER with a dislocated shoulder.  Several hours later and another admission into the rehab center up the street for a few weeks and she was again, back to AL.

The appointment this past week was for a follow up with her primary care doctor.  As we sat talking, I kept most of my opinions to myself because I’ve learned that her snarky comments back to me are not worth the negative energy emitted.  She’s 80, she’s entitled to be a bit snarky, even though it’s not easy to be her target.  As an example, when I walked into the ER, she looked up and said without a beat, “What are you doing here?”  As if I was a stranger coming to take care of her after this accident.  She is on numerous medications and pain pills, a CPAP for her breathing, a heart monitor for her irregular beats and receives heat therapy in her shoulder until we can decide about the risks versus rewards of shoulder replacement surgery.  The doctors say there is a huge risk she might have another stroke if she goes under anesthesia or might also experience a rapid cognitive decline if she does do the surgery.

So, our conversation revolved around her annoyance at the never-ending appointments and decisions that have been made over the past few months.  Yet one comment set me on fire, not in a negative way, but in a reality-hit-the-fan way.  When I mentioned to her that we all have physical limitations, especially as we get older.  I related the fact that I can no longer run the six miles I used to due to numerous care accidents.  She looked at me and said, “Well, add 25 years onto yours and imagine how I feel.”

That simple comment and its contents, particularly the mention of 25 years, felt like a lightening strike!   Could it be possible that in 25 years I will be 80 years old?  YES!!!  For some reason that struck me so hard that I went home and sat to contemplate my life very seriously.  I’ve always been an adventurer, have traveled, tried, risked.  But now I have a new fire under me that has propelled some additional adventure and for that, I am thankful.  I sent a book manuscript to an editor, I’ve created a Meetup for like minded horse people, I bought a rescue horse, I went back to grad school and created an equine assisted activities program for young people, I’m trying to get my second book together to send for editing and I’m looking to this next year to schedule some travel to places I’ve not yet been.

What sets a fire under you?  When will YOU realize that this life is someday going to end?  There is a finale and that day will come for each of us.  Take a chance, get out of your comfort zone and DO IT!  Even writing this blog has been a challenge for me because the old voice in my head keeps asking “who will want to read this?”  But it doesn’t matter.  Comparing or judging based on what you thing MIGHT happen is a limiting way to live.  There are seven BILLION people on this planet.  Most of them will never know you, but for those that do, you are a light and your message and gifts are vital to so many.  Get a move on!  My wish for you is that you take the chance to share your gifts, whatever they may be.