Acceptance Instead of Forgiveness

During the course of this past year, I have come to the conclusion after some very enlightening counseling and conversation, that forgiveness is NOT necessary.  While this might seem controversial and quite opposite of what society instills in us, forgiveness is more than likely a product of certain religious dogma and while I believe it is important in some instances, the fact that we are  pressured to forgive out of some sort of societal norm seems counter-intuitive.  If someone has done you grave harm, has interrupted your life by behaving in a horrific manner, then what would be the purpose of forgiving that behavior only to turn over power to their bad deeds?  This revelation came to me ) after talking to my counselor a few weeks ago and it was like an epiphany.  What I believe is that forgiveness for the sake of forgiveness diminishes our power; it takes away the right we have to be angry and move through our grief at our own pace.  We must first, and above all, accept the situation in order to have any ability to resolve it.  We must accept the incident(s) to feel our own power in the moving forward part of the process.  I truly felt enlightened when I allowed myself to understand that, no, I DO NOT need to forgive.  What happened to me as a result of a particular person’s behavior when I was a child has affected my entire life.  I have accepted this truth.  I am the person I am because of my trials and tribulations, but that does not require an exoneration of the faults of others.  And here it was that I allowed myself to be fine in the place of this revelation, that I was not interested in revenge or retribution, but only the space in my being to recover the power that had been taken from me for so long. 

It is up to you to decide what path you take in your forward motion.  What I suggest might be against the grain of what our American society espouses about getting through the hard times.  Many will ask if the act of not forgiving will leave us in a place of anger, if it will manifest and not allow us to heal.  I say that all forgiveness does in many cases is the exact opposite.  It numbs and covers up the pain instead of allowing us to really feel what we need to feel.  Allow yourself as much anger as you need for as long as you need to feel it.  It will subside, but to repress it and force it away all in the name of forgiveness can only prolong the grieving process.  There is strength in your own power.

We are all imperfect humans, but if someone does something to us that is hurtful, disloyal, painful, or degrading then no, we do not need to forgive. This is my choice and I hope you think about this as you continue on your path.  Does forgiveness really help us resolve the hurt and pain?  I think not.  I believe it only allows us to bury the hurt underneath an outdated faith-based resolution that typically leaves us in the same place we started and that, to me, is not progress.  Accept what is, ascend in truth. Acceptance allows for the pain to subside within the timeframe WE choose, not what others expect.